“About Barbers” (1871)

This short piece by Mark Twain is another one that seems strange to call a short story or an essay. Humor piece will do, I guess, as implied by Twain’s title. I imagined it would be about overly talkative and/or obnoxious barbers, or perhaps some antics from patrons. It has some of those things, but more goes off in a sitcom direction. Our guy is there for a shave, maybe a haircut. The barbershop has three barbers. By coincidence, by the chance of letting someone else into the shop first as they arrive, he sees the worst of the three barbers will be his. He tries to switch this up by leaving for a 15-minute stroll, but alas, when he returns he sees that this worst barber will still be his. It’s a short piece, but Twain elaborates these scenes with a good deal of detail that verges on tedious. He also details the reading choices available to him as he waits. Finally he’s called to the chair and of course it’s the barber he was trying to avoid. Things go like this: “Then he lathered one side of my face thoroughly, and was about to lather the other, when a dog-fight attracted his attention, and he ran to the window and stayed and saw it out, losing two shillings on the result in bets with the other barbers, a thing which gave me great satisfaction.” As far as essay forms go, I like the ones that are “About” something specific or general or mundane or whatever. It suggests a meditative approach, but of course we have nothing like that here. Twain is merely riffing up anecdotes that happen to involve a barber or barbers. I mean, that’s OK too. Another essay form that I like is the much more difficult humor piece. I have laughed very hard at humor pieces by Woody Allen and Ian Frazier, and then been baffled by them on later rereading—or vice versa, puzzled the first time. I include Twain as someone worth trying on humor pieces. He has the instincts and sense of timing, and his stuff has worked for me / not worked for me that way. He’s worth a try. You never know. But you should be at least a little inclined to like it before you start, or don’t even bother.

Mark Twain, Humorous Stories & Sketches
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